| My grandmother passed away 1 month ago.. I think it was (and still is) the most
painful experience I've ever had to endure in my entire life. I don't
really know how things will be in the future... and I feel like my
heart is so broken that it goes through cycles of denial. My
grandmother and I were so close... she raised me from
childhood...having someone by my side for 26 years.. and all of a
sudden not being able to touch, see, hear or feel them is just
horrific. I wish I could've spent my time more wisely with her when I
had the chance.. but it really is all too late now. Asking God for just 1 more hour with her, 2 minutes, or even 5 seconds is meaningless. Death is just THAT final. It doesn't make room for mistakes.. it doesn't give you time...it just ends. As many regrets that I have, it really is too late to change anything. All those fights and grudges that I held against my granny..were truly a waste of time. Why was I so stupid to let those small things get in the way...Life will never return her back to me no matter
how much I want it to.
It's been weeks of tears...just this emptiness
that can't quite be filled... I'm sure it'll take years. Every time I
feel like I've gotten my life back.. I realize or am reminded that my
grandmother is no longer with me.. no longer able to share in my
joys..successes... and it's just a hallow happiness without that... and
a very bitter and cold truth that I have to bear. |
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| Going to visit my good friends in Boston. 
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| en route to hong kong and taiwan tonight be back in about 2 weeks. jesus rose! |
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| Lot's of change in the air...
Our entire family will be moving out of Palo Alto after 16 years. It's a bittersweet moment, but really a chance for my parents to enjoy their life. I just really hope that God can provide for us a new home in a safe and peaceful area with a relatively low budget.  Is that too much to ask? Well we'll see. Anyway, aside from all that, the underlying stress is mostly coming from these DAMN chinese movers/renovator's. I noticed that they over promise (as is the nature of the business), but that they see the need to lie in order to get the contract. It's been my observation for the contractor that has done our remodeling and the mover. Although the contractor did do a fantastic job, I'm not so sure that I would ask for him again. Our mover was supposed to come today at 8:30am, but instead he called in "horribly ill - emergency room sick" to avoid having to do the job in two days (due to a prior commitment, which he knew of) and instead rescheduled to have everything done tomorrow. Hopefully he decides to show up, otherwise I have no idea what we'd do. Maybe call Starving Students. Maybe my parents should just pay me to do the moving.
Aside from all that, God has been tremendously gracious to me these past few months. I've actually only had time today to share with everyone because I've just been so busy with life. As my job search started awhile back, I've been riddled by some of the most bizarre situations. Needless to say, some opportunities that should have naturally panned out, didn't end up happening and with no explanations. Through this time, I really tried hard to rely on God and His will, surprisingly enough it is true, He really does provide. (I'll spare you all from the details) The result is that God has taught me several lessons through this experience. Some of which include, knowing when to have faith in God, to hold steadfastly to God's promises, to pray, be honest and truthful, and to understand His undying love for all of us. As I've learned all these through a series of trials, I've realized that there are several reasons why I continue to believe in God. Through the years I have abandoned Him, but I've come to realize that He has never abandoned me. I may not be the person that attends Bible Study regularly, fellowship or even read the Bible, but God still has room for me.
So the announcement is out now, I will be joining eBay April, 23 assuming a Paid Search Marketing role. It will be a brand new challenge for me and I only hope that I'll get up to speed quickly.
Not only that, but God has also provided immensely for Alex. Which indirectly means that God provides for me too. ha ha. I can only say that a measure of how much someone loves you is how much they can carry you through your struggles and tribulations (without complaining) and how happy they are when they know that you are happy.  Ok, I'm so gonna barf now. This is getting way too sappy and no, no plans to get engaged, just YET (just in case any of you had the urge of asking for the n-th time).
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| Mighty To Save by Hillsong United (click to listen) Everyone needs compassion Love that's never failing Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness The kindness of a saviour The hope of nations
Chores: Saviour He can move the mountains My God is mighty to save He is mighty to save
Forever Author of Salvation He rose and conquered the grave Jesus Conquered the grave So take me as you find me All my fears and failures Fill my life again I give my life to follow Everything I believe in Now I Surrender Shine your light and Let the whole world see We're singing for the glory Of the risen King Jesus Shine your light and
Let the whole world see We're singing for the glory Of the risen King
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